The Appearance of Health Rather Than True Health

So, I've been checking out gyms the past couple of weeks.  I have a trainer who comes to the gym I work out in but I'm I'm just not really happy at my current gym.  Looking for a new gym has been an interesting experience, to say the least.  What strikes me most is the way the owners/operators of these places believe they know why I want to join their facility even before I say.   

They see me a fat person and assume that I want to lose weight.  When I tell them that losing wait is not my main goal, that I'm happy with my size and shape they seem gobsmacked and feel the need to remind me that If I start working out regularly that I will loose weight and that's a good thing.

Yes, it is a good thing but it's not the only good thing and for me it's not the best thing, it's just a thing.  It's taken me a long time to come to terms with my body and be happy with my physical appearance and bothers me when others see me and assume that I'm not happy with myself.  For me the best thing is a return to the stamina and strength I had two years ago before my knee injury and financial problems. The later of which kept me from seeking medical assistance to correct the knee problem.  Two years ago, I worked out five to six days a week and I was still a curvy woman, in fact, I was an even curvier woman.  I was a clothing size bigger back then.   


Wednesday's gym visit was a particularly difficult one.  The gym itself was nice.  It wasn't crowded, it was well maintained, and had a nice variety of machines.  However, the owner left something to be desired.  I left the gym deciding that I would never step foot in there again. I seriously think he broke my Dick Alert.

He started off by saying that he wouldn't take my money unless I was going to be dedicated to changing and getting results.  If I wasn't going to dedicate myself, well then I shouldn't be there because I was a walking advertisement for his business.  If people asked me where I worked out and I said his gym but I didn't look good, well what did that say about his gym?


When I told the owner that I'd suffered a knee injury that took me two years to correct he said, "Do you know what caused that injury?" and before I could answer he answered, "if your knee didn't have as much weight to hold it wouldn't hurt."  I was too surprised, annoyed, and hurt to respond, however, if I had been in a better state of mind I would have told him he was wrong.  I should have said that my injury was actually caused by a wrong move I did during Zumba, an exercise activity.  I also have a few other medical issues that have nothing to do with weight but have to do with age (as I get older the existing conditions get worse).  But, I didn't because I was too embarrassed and pissed off that he was making me feel ashamed when I have nothing to be ashamed of.  

However, I have to wonder if I had told him would it have mattered?  Or would he have seen me as a person in denial?  I have a feeling I would have been Ms. Denial for him and here's why.  After, diagnosing my knee injury, he proceeded to lecture me on eating habits.  Eating when depressed causes you to gain weight, then you're even more depressed and you eat more, etc.  I told him that I didn't eat when I was depressed.  I also didn't eat much in general and I didn't eat a lot of sweets.  He decided I had a low metabolism because I didn't exercise enough.  Go figure.  The truth is, I'm a *recovering bulimic (a blog for a different time) and I still deal with a lot of deeply root issues regarding food.  I did tell him that I was a recovering bulimic which was extremely difficult task--telling a stranger that you use to binge and purge.  You never know how they'll react.  But, I felt I needed to stand up for myself and my body and the reaction I received was one of bafflement.  He quickly recovered and was back to talk about maintaining a healthy life style with exercise and diet.              

It's taken me a long time to accept and love my body.  I've learned from past experience that although I may lose weight, I will never be a super thin person.  I will always have curves.  When I go to the gym or try an activity I go into it with realistic expectation and goals.  I don't expect to drop to a size 10 and have a six pack.  I expect I will probably suck at the activity not because I'm out of shape but because it's a new activity.  My goal is that I will strength my body, reach new limits, and have fun. 

So, it's insulting to me that when some fitness people look at me they seem to think that my desire to join a gym has more to do with the appearance of health rather than true health.   







*I say recovering because I'm not binge eating a purging the way I once did.  However, I feel that no one ever really recovers from an eating disorder because it's a constant struggle.  If you or someone you know has an eating disorder I urge you to get help.  The National Eating Disorders Association is just one site you can go to but there are tons.  Just use Google.